Bonded by Ann Wesley Hardin

TITLE: Bonded
AUTHOR: Ann Wesley Hardin
PUBLISHER: Red Sage Publishing
LENGTH: Short story (roughly 14k)
GENRE: Contemporary erotic romance
COST: $2.99

A fantasy weekend at a luxury hotel doesn’t go quite as planned for ad executive Sela Wilson. First, her “hero” turns out to be a dud, then he shows up in her room, ready to make it up to her. Sela’s willing to give him a second chance, but only because she doesn’t realize he’s Daniel Bond, owner of the hotel…

I knew from the blurb and the brief excerpt that this was going to be light and sexy. What I didn’t expect was for it to be so laugh out loud funny. For the first two-thirds of this short story, I was amused, charmed, and thoroughly engaged with these smart, witty people. Sela is jaded enough to take a wry look at her almost absurd surroundings, and because she sets up that mood from the start, it’s easy to accept the outlandish scenarios that follow. I loved her smart mouth. I loved the chemistry she set up with Daniel. Their banter is hands down the best part of the entire story. The sex was more playful than hot as a result, but I was fine with that. For me, it was enough to be fun. If it exceeded that, all the better.

I only wish the story had ended better than it did. As soon as Sela leaves the hotel, still not knowing for sure who it is she slept with all weekend, the story’s charm vanishes, like the fantasy of the weekend is now gone. Sela in the workplace wasn’t nearly as interesting as Sela on a weekend getaway, and the late attempt to try and reach an HEA crumbles under its own weight. As a romance, I would rate this much lower, but thankfully, the vast bulk of the story is spend on those inventive two days, with Sela and Daniel forgetting about real world contrivances and simply letting loose. It’s a lesson for all of us, which seems a little odd to find in a short erotic romp. But it’s there. And even in spite of the ending, I don’t regret a second of it.

Readability	9/10 – Brisk and funny
Hero	7/10 – Charming and funny, much more believable during the weekend than the aftermath
Heroine	8/10 – Smart, quick and caustic
Entertainment value	8/10 – Within the context of the weekend, wonderful fun.
World building	7/10 – I’m not so sure about the business world the characters reside in, in real life, but then that’s not the focus of the story
TOTAL:	39/50

Lavender Skies by Stephen Kelley Roos

TITLE: Lavender Skies
AUTHOR: Stephen Kelley Roos
PUBLISHER: Literary Road
LENGTH: Novel (roughly 65k)
GENRE: Gay contemporary humor
COST: $5.50

Trey Olson arrives on his Uncle Mars’ doorstep expecting to be able to sponge off his relative’s supposed wealth from his acting career, to discover the man’s so-called gated community, Lavender Skies, is actually a trailer park where for the most part the elderly eccentric come to live out their last years. Each trailer is named after a Hollywood classic, but the residents prove to be even more colorful than their homes. There’s orgies, love affairs, secret love children, real estate scams, and, oh yeah, an ex-Mafia guy with a thirty-five year standing appointment with his boyfriend. Trey’s not sure what exactly he’s walked into…

Tell me how I’m supposed to resist looking at a blurb that describes the story as a fun read in the tradition of E.F. Benson and Armistead Maupin (…or if you’re not the literary type, it’s like “The Golden Girls” and “The Nanny” were gay guys). The excerpt, which is the opening scene of the book, has an 87 year-old ex-showgirl with orange hair, cowboy boots, and a physical description that paints her this side of grotesque, walking through Palm Springs in August with a shopping cart and her 65 year-old Eurasian son, Vivian. It’s vulgar, and over the top, and completely not PC, and I just had to see more. So I bought it. Does it live up to its initial promise? Yes and no.

I haven’t seen this many colorful characters all grouped together – and mostly completely distinct – in an e-book in a long time. There’s Frannie and Vivian from the opening, who share a trailer called Beach Blanket Bingo with Saul, a retired professor from Boston who’s obsessed with the retired Marine next door who insists on walking around nearly naked and goes by The Commander, and Wayne Fontaine from Boar’s Head, Wisconsin, who leads HIV support groups and works part-time as a realtor. Then there’s Connie and Butch, the resident lesbian couple, LaSalle LeSueur, the resident orgy organizer and so-called distant cousin to Joan Crawford, and Federico, the ex-opera singer who’s been having an affair with Ginger Biscotti the Mafia hitman for thirty-five years. Do you see what I mean about colorful? What’s even nicer is that most of these characters stand out. It takes a little while to get the more normal names straight – these are just the extra memorable ones – but once I did, I believed each and every one.

Don’t expect anything remotely PC about this. Part of this story’s appeal is its sheer vulgarity. It has no qualms about going over the top and then trying to find someplace else to climb even higher. The plots are all straight out of soap operas, which means things happen out of the blue, coincidences occur just to keep things going, and being a secret love child means misunderstandings galore.

It’s not always an easy read. Editorially, it’s a bit of a mess, with tense changes the biggest offender of the bunch. There’s a lot of jump cutting between scenes, which is inevitable when there is this much stuff going on. If you don’t pay attention, you’ll get lost. The author seems a little too obsessed with describing – in painstaking detail – décor and locations, which drags down the otherwise manic prose. If you’re not familiar with movie history, a lot of the references might be lost on you. That’s half of what these characters live for. It’s fun to read if you’re into that thing – which I am – but a warning for those who aren’t.

Is it high art? Absolutely not. Does it entertain? Well, I most definitely was. I’m not sure it’s as slap your knee funny as the blurb maintains, but I’ve spent a lot of money on stories I didn’t enjoy nearly as much as this one.

Readability	6/10 – Editorial issues, a fascination with décor, and a cast of dozens hold back the manic prose
Characterization	8/10 – Over the top personalities might border on stereotypical, but they almost all stand out, even when they’re lost in a crowd.
Plot	5/10 – The actual plot meanders all over the place, jump-cutting from characters to characters, which makes it difficult in the beginning to keep everything straight.
Entertainment value	7/10 – In spite of its excessiveness and vulgarity – or maybe because of it – I laughed out loud quite a bit.
World building	8/10 – It’s garish and too much, but you know, I saw it playing out anyway.
TOTAL:	34/50