I Spy Something Bloody by Josh Lanyon

TITLE: I Spy Something Bloody
AUTHOR: Josh Lanyon
PUBLISHER: Loose Id
LENGTH: Novella (roughly 31k)
GENRE: Gay contemporary erotic romance
COST: $4.99

When British spy Mark Hardwicke decides to quit his dangerous career, he doesn’t follow procedure. Instead, he calls his ex-lover, American Stephen Thorpe, and asks to come see him, all without the benefit of leave. Stephen does so, albeit reluctantly, but when the battered Mark practically collapses upon arrival, Stephen makes it very clear that he’ll help treat Mark, but they’re not getting back together. He’s moved on. He’s not interested in waiting for his ex any longer. But he just might be Mark’s last hope.

I think this story might be a first for me. It’s the first Lanyon story I’ve read where I didn’t like the narrator. There have been stories in the past where the primary protagonist might have pushed a button or two in me, but I can’t say I actually disliked any of them. Not so in this case. I found Mark’s manipulative nature and emotional distancing difficult to get around, and his treatment of Stephen appalling. It ends up coloring my entire reading experience, and in the end, I just can’t buy the romance aspect of the story. Now, if it had been written without the HEA and instead as an exercise for Mark to take the experiences in this story as a potential for personal growth…I have to admit that would have likely been far more satisfying for me. But he didn’t, and so I have to figure out why this book doesn’t work for me as well as other Lanyon work.

Stephen is – by far – the more sympathetic of the two men. He’s the genteel older man, 21 years Mark’s senior. He’s the one who gets ignored for two years. He’s the one who’s been most obviously hurt. I really, really liked Stephen until his turnaround at the end. He’s an all-around nice guy trying desperately to remember how Stephen left him hanging for so long. I mean, really? Two years? When Mark was fully aware of just how much Stephen didn’t like what he did for a living already? Continuing to stay away, taking assignment after assignment, tells me he just wasn’t ready for the type of commitment Stephen wanted and deserved. I still don’t think he’s ready. He freely admits to having created an imaginary Stephen to idolize while he was gone. Frankly, I’m surprised Stephen waited as long as he did to try and move on.

The entire story has a melancholy air to it, from the carefully crafted prose to the characterizations. Neither man is happy. Even in the bucolic atmosphere of the Shenandoah, there remains a sense of foreboding. Time ticking away. Mark is AWOL, Stephen is not a young man anymore, both are in search of resolution. It’s a far more moody piece than other Lanyon fare, and it’s this aspect that creates an unusual situation for me. I tend to read genre fiction to escape, to not think too much, to feel and get caught up in the rush of emotions. But Lanyon’s references to Little Dorrit throughout the story – Mark is reading it and brings it along with him to Stephen’s, and quotes quite a bit from it – automatically put my brain into a different mode. A third of the way through the story, I started trying to discern how the most prevalent themes of Little Dorrit – those of imprisonment and family – applied to Mark and Stephen. Because I don’t for a second believe that Lanyon didn’t choose Little Dorrit on purpose. He’s far too precise in his language. This element, more than anything else, distanced me from the story. Since I didn’t like Mark, I think I latched onto an analysis mode that might not have taken root had I been emotionally invested.

In the end, the pleasure I got from this story isn’t the resolution of Mark and Stephen’s relationship. It’s from appreciating the craft of what Lanyon has done here. He most definitely knows what he’s doing.

Readability	9/10 – Always solid and tight. My sole stumbling block came with pacing.
Hero #1	6/10 – Fully realized, but the distancing he describes in himself worked too well on me and I kept from engaging too much on his side in the end.
Hero #2	7/10 – Far more sympathetic than Mark, though again, he was far too convincing for me to believe later switcharounds
Entertainment value	6/10 – I have more fun considering the literary parallels than believing the romance.
World building	8/10 – The immediate world around each man is well-developed, but I wanted more details of Mark’s profession and work environment.
TOTAL:	36/50

Eden's Pass by Kimberly Nee

TITLE: Eden’s Pass
AUTHOR: Kimberly Nee
PUBLISHER: Samhain Publishing
LENGTH: Novel (roughly 90k)
GENRE: Historical romance
COST: $5.50

When the ship she serves on is captured, Finn wants only two things – to get free, and to keep the secret of her gender safe. She poses as a boy in order to remain safe among the pirates, with dreams of owning her own ship someday, but the handsome and enigmatic captain of the new ship she crews tests her every limit. Inigo Sebastiano doesn’t know what to make of his willful and arrogant new cabin boy, but the fact that he’s attracted to the lad does not fill him with glee…

I’ve had this book for a month. I bought it when it was first released and it’s languished on my TBR pile in the interim, mostly because I really have to be in the mood to read historical stories. So when I picked it up this week, it had been a month since I had read the blurb. All I remembered was non-erotic pirate romance, which I thought was enough. But I learned something interesting this week. When I went back to gather the information for this review, I discovered the blurb – which I was rereading for the first time since buying – gives away huge spoilers for the book. Now, if this was a novella, I might be more understanding because there’s less space in the story and an author needs to keep a blurb from being too vague. But this story was over 90k long. There is more than enough story there to write a decent blurb. Yet, there are two distinct facts revealed in the blurb that don’t come out until the very end of the story. On top of that, much of Finn’s backstory is given away in the first sentence. In the story? We don’t find out about her past until 47k into it. Over halfway. Normally, this might not be such a big deal, but in this book, it is. This single fact provides the basis of all of Finn’s motivations. Knowing it makes her actions in the first half of the story understandable, maybe even a little sympathetic. Not knowing it – as I didn’t because I didn’t waste time rereading the blurb before picking up the book to read – makes Finn look angry, idiotic, and needlessly bitchy.

Needless to say, my reaction to Finn colored my entire reading experience. She presents in the beginning as being capable, but as soon as she is taken captive, she turns into an idiot. She openly rebels against the captain for no good reason, reacting in ways even she doesn’t understand but doesn’t stop, like refusing to fetch his dinner before hanging her own bed. She even undergoes a 4-day hunger strike, while still conducting her cabin boy duties, simply to best him in a battle of wills. She comes across as angry and foolish, all at the same time, because the simple matter is, she chose a life at sea, she’s worked a crew before – albeit without much supervision – and this is the captain she’s sassing and disobeying. I’m sure it’s meant to show how spunky she is, how she can stand on her own, but you know, part of the thing about being spunky is the character still has to be likable. Finn isn’t. Her actions become understandable when her past is finally revealed, but again, that doesn’t happen until over halfway through the book. By then, my opinion of her has been sealed, and nothing she can do for the rest of the book can sway it. In fact, some of her later actions only convince me further the woman is an idiot. She almost deserves some of the consequences that befall her.

Compared to Finn, Inigo’s practically a saint. He’s oddly tolerant of her rebellious behavior and wryly charming on more than one occasion. It can’t save some of his over-the-top dialogue - And you will hush now. I’ve no desire to argue over a shirt. No woman has ever filled me with such fire, such need, as you do, Finn. We can do battle later. Now, we will make love – that unfortunately reeks of Latin lothario, but he certainly comes across as the more likable of the pair.

The plot itself is half hiding her true gender, half push/pull of oh I want you/oh I can’t trust you. It serves its purpose for what it is, though there’s nothing noteworthy or uniquely engaging about it. The story’s structure does seem oddly balanced, though, as what feel like important facts and events are plunked down too late in the telling to have any true impact. I find myself really unsettled by the last quarter of the story, in fact, because in a lot of ways, it feels like an entirely different story than the rest of the book.

Of course, I didn’t re-read the blurb before sitting down to read the story. But if a book requires me to get my explanations or facts from the blurb, something is seriously wrong.

Readability	7/10 – Minor editing issues including continuity, as well as dialogue that made me laugh when I’m sure it wasn’t meant to.
Hero	7/10 – A tad over the top, even for a suspend-your-disbelief pirate story, though looks much better next to the heroine
Heroine	2/10 – So angry and foolish in the first half of the story that it’s nearly impossible to ever feel anything positive for her.
Entertainment value	4/10 – I loathed the heroine to the point where I kind of hoped the hero really would lash her.
World building	7/10 – Fine enough for the ship aspects; it falters any time it hits dry land.
TOTAL:	27/50

The Summons by Jo Barrett

TITLE: The Summons
AUTHOR: Jo Barrett
PUBLISHER: Wild Rose Press
LENGTH: Short story (roughly 6k)
GENRE: Paranormal romance
COST: $1.50

Overworked nurse Lindsay Sumner thinks the gorgeous Scot she’s dreaming about is the result of too many long hours and not enough recreation. Her so-called imaginary Highlander has a different opinion…

After being so frustrated with Monday’s review, I decided to pick something from my TBR pile that was a comfort read. I didn’t want an author I hadn’t fallen for in the past. I didn’t want to indulge in a kink on the mere hope of it being satisfied. So even though I knew this was a very short story, I pulled it out anyway, and was rewarded with a sweet, mild diversion that left a smile on my face rather than a frown.

There’s very little to the actual plot. Lindsay finds herself having sexy dreams about a Scot named Roan, and grows increasingly convinced that she’s insane for falling for a figment of her imagination. She has justifications for their coming together, all the way to the end, which makes for nice realism on the author’s part, if the fact that she talks out loud so much to herself annoys me to death. Roan doesn’t get much room to play until the time for the reasons for their coming together gets explained, but even then, it’s fairly superficial.

There’s absolutely nothing demanding about this sweet little story, nor is there anything offensive. It’s a nice distraction from real life for a few minutes, with nice romantic overtones to shade your day. I wouldn’t suggest this be a reader’s first exposure to this author’s work, as it only hints at how well she can create a romantic atmosphere, but for readers who already appreciate the author’s style, it makes a tasty little nibble.

Readability	8/10 – Simple and sweet, with only a few errors.
Hero	5/10 – She thinks he’s a dream for most of it, and the story is only 6k long. Does that give you an idea of how fleshed he is?
Heroine	6/10 – I can do without the talking out loud to herself she does, but she’s fine otherwise.
Entertainment value	7/10 – Sweet and diverting
World building	6/10 – There’s not really enough room in this for world building, exposition, and romance. World building loses.
TOTAL:	32/50

The Set Up by J.P. Bowie

TITLE: The Set Up
AUTHOR: J.P. Bowie
PUBLISHER: Total-e-bound
LENGTH: Novella (roughly 21k)
GENRE: Gay thriller erotic romance
COST: £2.49

Movie extra John White Eagle is about to get the ride of his life from superstar Greg Mathis. But not even illicit sex is worth being suspected of murder…

If you go to the publisher’s website and read the blurb for this short novella, you’ll find that it’s much longer than the very brief one I provided. But you know what? If you read that blurb, you will have pretty much read the whole book. The conflict that is introduced in the first paragraph doesn’t even happen until 7k into the story, it takes another 10k to get to the sting detailed in the second, and then…the story’s nearly over. I almost wish I’d just stuck with reading the blurb. I wouldn’t feel like I’ve wasted my time then.

I’ll admit I bought the story for a selfish reason. I find Native American men incredibly sexy, so when I see one as a hero, I have a tendency to succumb to the urge to buy. But even though the story is told in 1^st person from John’s POV – or maybe because, because I was privy to his thoughts – I never engaged with John. In fact, I couldn’t get over the feeling that the man was an idiot obsessed with sex. I don’t fault him for jumping into the sack with the hot superstar on the film he’s shooting, but from the moment John shows up at the hotel to back Greg up in the face of Greg’s blackmailer, his IQ takes a nosedive. Then when the police show up to arrest him for the murder, he spends as much time lusting after the cop interrogating him as he does worrying about the prospect of going to jail. I have no sympathy for him when things go even further south, because he seems more interested in falling for the cop than he is in the fact that he’s the prime suspect in a murder investigation. And that he never suspects the cop of being anything but straight with him, because he’s just too cute and nice to lie. Riiiiiiight. Oh, and did I mention that his dead grandmother passed down a little psychic gift? The ability to enhance the sexual awareness of whoever he’s making love to. Are you groaning as much as I did?

The second hero in this is obviously the cop, but he fails to engage for different reasons. He’s not introduced until almost halfway through the story, which leaves little time to really get to know him. Add in the factor that I’m convinced from the moment they release John that something is up, and the cop never really stands a chance with me. I was of one of two minds – if the cop is setting him up, he’s a jerk, and if he’s not and he’s honestly falling for John, then he’s an idiot and the worst cop ever.

The thriller aspect in this is nonexistent. The set-up is so incredibly obvious that I don’t feel anything but disdain for the dumb hero, and the play-out of the climax contrived. Without either a believable romance or any aspect of a smart plot, I can’t say that I’m interested enough to try any of this author’s other work.

Readability	6/10 – Technically little wrong, but the lead is so dumb and the plot so oversimplified that it ends up being a chore to read.
Hero #1	2/10 – An absolute dimwit with sex on the brain
Hero #2	3/10 – Flat and boring.
Entertainment value	2/10 – I had so little sympathy for the lead, it was impossible to find enjoyment elsewhere.
World building	6/10 – Mediocre at best.
TOTAL:	19/50

Illyan Daughter by Brynneth N. Colvin

TITLE: Illyan Daughter
AUTHOR: Brynneth N. Colvin
PUBLISHER: Whiskey Creek Press Torrid
LENGTH: Novel (roughly 65k)
GENRE: Fantasy
COST: $5.99

As the daughter of her people’s leader, Liss strikes through life with the same courage and bravery of her warrior father, learning how to fight, how to pillage, how to do what is necessary in order to survive. She doesn’t know much about her past or her dead mother, but a strange shapeshifting woman continues to haunt both her and her father, through the years until they finally conquer a town and settle for a short while. This is where Liss comes into adulthood, and it’s there that her life changes irrevocably…

Though I bought this story from Whiskey Creek’s erotic romance line, I refuse to categorize it as such. There are certainly erotic scenes in it, with graphic language, but they aren’t the primary thrust. I hesitate to call it a romance, either, since the hero of the story isn’t even introduced properly until well over halfway through the story. Instead, I think of this as a coming of age story, set in a fantasy milieu. There’s a romance that occurs as part of that course, but that’s not what this is about.

This is about a young girl named Liss, her father Math, and the past he is running away from. Math is a fierce warrior, suitably equipped to lead his nomadic people as they plunder and pillage across the plains. When the story starts, Liss hasn’t yet “bloodied” so is considered a child still. Throughout the book, we watch as she grows up under the aegis of this man, taking on the mantle of warrior, fulfilling the same function a son would have without shame that she’s a woman. She earns this place rightfully. I liked her both as a person and as a fighter. But all the while, she has questions – about her mother, about the woman she’s witnessed change into a crow, about why she thinks she’s different from the others. It’s an engaging path she takes, and one I followed willingly. Even when I found some of the baser actions repugnant – such as ruthlessly killing adults of the town they’re capturing and enslaving the children – I felt like I knew this girl, and I sympathized with her.

For as much time as we spend in Liss’ perspective, however, we spend just as much in Math’s. We see his POV as he struggles to raise this child he’s so proud of. We witness his reluctance to take partners, his fear about the shapeshifting woman. Because he’s the adult in the first half of the story, I actually found myself understanding his tale more in the first half. Because of this, the arc of his character – while ultimately not as satisfying as I’d like – was as important to me as Liss was.

What stops me from falling head over heels for this book are two things. First of all, certain sections are overwritten, with more details about seemingly superficial minutiae than answers to the story itself. I found it difficult not to skim during those sections, to get back to the parts where Liss and Math actually did something. Secondly, for as much as I wished parts in the middle would speed up, the last quarter of the story sped up way too much. There is a leap of a couple years where it felt like I was told what happened – in what felt like a very crucial time – instead of shown. I ended the story wondering a little bit about what I missed, which was disappointing after traveling this journey for so long. I even tolerated the quite unobtrusive headhopping throughout the story more than that, which for me is big.

Maybe the reason this gets categorized as a romance is because when the romance does finally come, it is sweetly told, with delicacy most stories lack. This is when I truly fell in love with Liss, and then in love with her new partner, and why I was so emotionally wrought for the last few chapters of the story. I yearned for their happy ending, but this is certainly far more thought-provoking than any simple romance. The ultimate message is one more realistic than many so-called contemporaries offer.

Readability	8/10 – The pace drags in sections more interested in detail than storytelling, but other than minor editing issues, it reads pretty well.
Characterization	9/10 – Not a flat character in the bunch, my only quibble is wanting to know more and being denied
Plot	7/10 – Lovely coming of age story that gets held back by some of the overwritten sections
Entertainment value	8/10 – I found myself drawn into these characters’ lives even when certain aspects were unappealing.
World building	8/10 – The details of the present were excellent; it was the world outside of the present and the past that I wished to know more about.
TOTAL:	40/50

Bedside Manner by Sophia Rae

TITLE: Bedside Manner
AUTHOR: Sophia Rae
PUBLISHER: Wild Rose Press
LENGTH: Novella (roughly 28k)
GENRE: Contemporary erotic romance
COST: $4.50

Sara Delaney gets the surprise of her life when the jock from high school shows up in her ER under her care. Her memories of him are mixed. On the one hand, one night of really good sex. On the other, he was a player, and by all indications, looks to still be one. She tries to hold him off, but not having had sex in three years has made her a little desperate. When he pursues her again, she agrees to one night – no dating, no commitment. Too bad one night isn’t enough for either of them…

I think I need a new rule. If there’s a really obvious mistake on the very first page, I need to give myself permission not to finish the book. I’ve tried this before, however, and it hasn’t stuck. The optimist in me is always looking for that truly amazing story, and I convince myself that one little mistake early on might not mean anything. One of these days, I’m going to learn my lesson.

The mistake on the first page of this particular story was this: Hopefully this would be her last exam before she drug herself home and into her king sized bed for the next few hours. I could understand it – even accept it – if the author was opting to write in a more colloquial voice, but she’s not. Sara is an ER nurse and supposedly very intelligent. On top of that, there are no other indications in the prose that this would be a deliberate choice. The error is indicative of others sprinkled throughout the text – mid-drift for midriff, loose for lose, another instance of drug for dragged – and it put me in entirely the wrong mindset very early on.

It doesn’t help that I loathe the hero. Alex Conrad is very much portrayed as a player. Being in his head for long periods of time early in the story only confirms that impression. He sets seducing her as a personal goal, and is so utterly confident in his success that it’s off-putting. I’m not given any reason to really like him until well over halfway through the story, and by then, neither do I care but I just don’t buy it. One night of truly amazing sex and a few days of fantasies is just not enough to convince me that this man who refuses all attachments, all commitments, pursues only superficial relationships, is going to abandon everything he does for love.

Sara’s only marginally better. She shows flashes of really spunky attitude in the beginning when she’s putting Alex off, but as soon as she caves, most of that goes out the window. Oh, and any nurse that has this exchange? “I didn’t bring any condoms.”/ "That's okay. It's a safe time of the month." Is an idiot.

I won’t mention how hard I rolled my eyes at Alex’s so-called grand gesture at the end of the story. Or how Alex is a real estate agent all the way through the story until the end when he magically has a law office. Or the illogical argument that because Sara has a shorter shift one day (10 hours instead of her usual 12), she’s more stressed and tired. After so many other things in the story that took away from my enjoyment, these were only more blips on the radar.

Readability	5/10 – Even if there weren’t so many amateurish errors, I wouldn’t enjoy the author’s voice.
Hero	2/10 – Jerk. Player. Shallow. I could go on.
Heroine	4/10 – Infrequent spurts of spunkiness can’t save her more frequent idiocies.
Entertainment value	3/10 – I only enjoyed it in the beginning when she actually showed personality and depth.
World building	4/10 – When the author can’t even remember the hero's in real estate and doesn’t own a law office, you know there’s trouble.
TOTAL:	18/50

Surrendered Victory by KC Kendricks

TITLE: Surrendered Victory
AUTHOR: KC Kendricks
PUBLISHER: Amber Quill (Allure)
LENGTH: Novella (roughly 17k)
GENRE: Gay contemporary erotic romance
COST: $4.00

Reed Kauffman is thirty-three years old and only now starting to come to grips that he’s attracted to men. For the past six weeks, he has been “running into” competitor Alan Dalton on Friday evenings at a local bar, and for six weeks, he’s gone home, too frightened to push what feels like a flirtation any further than that. Until now. Now, he’s willing to take that extra step, and before he can change his mind, he accepts Dalton’s invitation to go back to his place…

I almost didn’t buy this book. I read the blurb, then went to the excerpt, and when I got to the final line, I rolled my eyes. What did it say? I became reborn… I thought it over the top enough to show it to my best friend, who then surprised me by turning around and saying she didn’t think it was that bad. So I decided what the hell and bought it, on the caveat that I got to blame her if it turned out as bad as I thought it might.

It wasn’t quite as bad as that. Though the overly romantic and sentimental nature of the excerpt prevailed throughout the entire story.

It’s a very simple story at its heart. Reed has been in the closet and in denial all of his life, but his attraction to Dalton has finally reached the point where he’s found courage to act. Dalton is a nice guy, mature at forty-three, been through a lot of the same paces as he was married and has two grown children. As far as being a safe man to fixate on, Reed couldn’t have picked a better one. Their entire dance back and forth has a smooth flow to it, too, one that’s easy to fall into if you’re willing to overlook some of the sappy writing. Their budding chemistry and Dalton’s stable personality are what drew me most into the story. The relatively hot nature of their night together kept me there, for awhile at least.

Reed’s characterization doesn’t fare as well. With the story told in first person, he often comes across as quite desperate, which, in all fairness to the situation, he kind of is. Dalton tells him repeatedly to slow down, a command he usually ignores, and there’s a hyperactive puppy aspect to his personality throughout the story that grates slightly. When Dalton doesn’t call him the next day like he promised, Reed’s extreme emotional reaction only worsened that effect for me. I probably would have invested more in the romantic aspect of the story if I liked or sympathized with Reed more. As it is, I felt distanced because of my annoyance with him.

In the end, while I engaged with the erotic aspects of the story, I didn’t with many of the emotional ones, primarily because of my problems with the narrator and the overly romanticized prose in certain sections – like the I became reborn… line. I still think it’s too melodramatic, but I know for a fact that that’s not true for everyone, and honestly, in the context of what was going on, it wasn’t that bad. My best friend probably would have really liked it. I imagine others will, too.

Readability	7/10 – Technically smooth and relatively hot, but it borders on the overly romantic too much for me
Hero #1	6/10 – Comes across as quite desperate and needy
Hero #2	7/10 – More solid and likeable than the narrator
Entertainment value	7/10 – For its erotic scenes and how into each other they are
World building	6/10 – This is all about the characters, not the scene.
TOTAL:	33/50

See No Evil, My Pretty Lady by Miss Mae

TITLE: See No Evil, My Pretty Lady
AUTHOR: Miss Mae
PUBLISHER: Wild Rose Press
LENGTH: Novella (roughly 37k)
GENRE: Historical romantic mystery
COST: $3.00

After three days as a kitchen maid, Dorcy Edwards discovers her wealthy employer’s murdered body and runs, hysterical, from the house, straight into the arms of the man terrorizing Whitechapel – Jack the Ripper. She manages to escape, but the truth of her employer’s murder comes to light, and Scotland Yard gets involved in solving the case. When the murdered man’s will vows to place five people on an island – one of whom is supposed to be the murderer – all hell breaks loose. But nobody can inherit if they don’t go, and Dorcy finds herself in the company of strangers. And a murderer.

Right off the bat, I’m going to say, I am not the audience for this story. I thought it would likely be a romantic suspense story, since Jack the Ripper is supposedly involved and that case was never solved, but within a few chapters, it becomes readily apparent that it’s meant to be more of a tribute to those English drawing room detective kind of stories. I’m sure there’s probably a name for them, but I don’t know it (I'll freely admit it's because they have never interested me enough to bother having the name stick if in fact I did know at one point what they are called). You know the stories I mean. The ones where something throws a group of veritable strangers together to deduce which one of them is a murderer, including the detective or the cop or whoever it is solving the murder, and slowly, bit by bit, secrets are revealed. I could almost hear the organ music in the background as I was reading. But honestly, these are really not my cup of tea, so take the rest of my review as you will.

Though the prose is technically correct without any headhopping that so often annoys me, I found myself bogged down in it almost immediately. It’s incredibly overwritten. Too many extraneous adjectives abound, and it felt like every other sentence in the first few chapters started with a gerund phrase. The description is not only too much, but too repetitive. For instance, the murdered man’s son, Gareth – who is the romantic male lead in the story – has thick wavy dark hair, which we get reminded of constantly: the waves in his thick hair shone like folds of black satin, and, Mr. Davenport’s thick black waves shone under the glow of the wall lamps, and Light from the wall lamp reflected against his hair, the thick waves shining with the luster of a black pearl, and even a thought of Dorcy’s, Why do his black waves shine like onyx? Most of those come within just a few pages of each other, and, when compounded with all the overdescription – Dorcy’s benefactors, the Butterfields, completely live up to the roundness of their name…over and over and over again – what should have been a relatively quick read ended up taking me hours to slog through.

Things do pick up about halfway through the story, when events start happening left and right as the secrets come out and accidents and misdeeds befall the suspects, but by the time I reached that point, I just didn’t care anymore. I guessed the ending before they left for the island, though that’s not necessarily the fault of the story. There are enough red herrings and typical misdirections in this kind of thing to keep it going, I suppose, but in the end, this type of mystery just never engages me.

Readability	5/10 – Prose so purple, it’s royal, but at least it’s spelled correctly and there’s no headhopping.
Hero	5/10 – Nice enough, I suppose, and typical of the genre, but I muddle so much with the prose that I just can’t sink into the story.
Heroine	4/10 – Probably typical for the type, but her fixations annoyed me to no end.
Entertainment value	2/10 – I am totally the wrong audience for this kind of story.
World building	8/10 – Oh, the world is there, all right. In too much detail.
TOTAL:	24/50

Dead Man's Rain by Frank Tuttle

TITLE: Dead Man’s Rain
AUTHOR: Frank Tuttle
PUBLISHER: Samhain Publishing
LENGTH: Novella (roughly 20k)
GENRE: Fantasy mystery
COST: $3.50

In a world where ogres, trolls, and vampires live alongside regular humans, being a Finder isn’t all that noteworthy. Unless you’re Markhat, and a rich widow wants you to find out why her dead husband keeps showing up for midnight strolls around the house they shared. Markhat doesn’t believe in revenants, but if the price is right, he’s willing to see just what it is that’s got the Widow Merlat all in a dither. Hopefully, he’ll even survive the investigation…

Earlier this year, Samhain revised their submission guidelines to focus their market more specifically on romance and erotic romance in all its incarnations. I have to assume this story (and another release in the same world due to come out later this year) was acquired before that change, but what I’m wondering now is, does this mean Samhain isn’t going to accept any future works that the author might set in this world (unless he adds a romance)? Because if that’s the case, then I think an amazing opportunity is going to be missed.

Tuttle’s story is a mystery, set in a fantasy world where almost anything exists. Ogres haul manure wagons down the streets, trolls have waged wars with them in the past, and having hexes placed on you isn’t as unusual as you might think. In just over twenty-thousand words, however, he’s created an environment that is rich in detail, believable with its inner logic, and more fully fledged than a lot of works three times its length. I got sucked into the crisp, vivid prose in the very first few sentences, and I stayed along for the ride throughout the breakneck pacing and grisly – though often funny – details.

Markhat is a wry, if slightly melancholy, narrator. He’s the cynic when everyone around him believes, and by watching the events transpire through his eyes, we experience each surprise even more fully. He’s intelligent without being too smart, intuitive without getting too lucky, and as sympathetic a protagonist as a story like this could ask for. There are hints throughout the story of other elements of this world and Markhat’s history, but within the limitations of the word limit, that’s what they remain – hints. It doesn’t detract from enjoying the story, but it’s most definitely a tease about the potential Markhat really has.

All of the characters have the same deft, riveting realism that elevates the story amongst others in this genre or length. Markhat’s relationship to Jefrey, the Widow Merlat’s last remaining servant, is typical of many in the story – multi-faceted, entertaining, and downright rich in its complexity. It’s surprising just how many layers are built into various elements of the story, when you’d think its brevity would work against it. But those layers are there, and they turn this short novella into something both satisfying and remarkable – at turns funny, horrific, tense, and action-packed. I’m very excited about the next title Mr. Tuttle has coming out with Samhain in August. I just have to keep my fingers crossed that it won’t be the last time I get to read about Markhat.

Readability	9/10 – Sharp, vivid detail and tight action make this near un-put-down-able
Characterization	8/10 – While the lead lacks some history to likely make more of his actions more meaningful, the entire cast feels real, like they could walk into my living room and I’d recognize them off the bat.
Plot	10/10 – I loved this. I’m a little surprised I didn’t see the resolution coming because in hindsight, it makes perfect sense. Just like mysteries are supposed to.
Entertainment value	9/10 – Crisp, funny, and suspenseful.
World building	9/10 – The length holds back the reader from fully understanding the world, though what is there is spectacular.
TOTAL:	45/50

Forever Today by Willa Okati

TITLE: Forever Today
AUTHOR: Willa Okati
PUBLISHER: Loose Id
LENGTH: Novel (roughly 42k)
GENRE: Gay contemporary erotic romance
COST: $5.99

Travel writer Rick Sullivan is swept off his feet by Adriano Dominici, the heir apparent of the Italian vineyards he’s researching for his latest work. Life together is sun and sex drenched, but in spite of Rick’s best attempts, circumstances and fear drive them apart. He doesn’t realize it’s not over, though, not when Adriano shows up on his doorstep a year later with no memory and only the burning desire to find his love Rick…

Willa Okati is a wordsmith. I’ve read a few of her stories over the years, and one thing that remains consistent in her work is her lyrical voice. There is a lilt to her prose that separates it from most other erotic romances, and it’s the single biggest reason I return to her work as often as I do. When she has a story and characters to match the strength of her words, she can create magic. Unfortunately, this particular tale doesn’t meet the standards set by her voice.

The story opens in the Italian countryside of the Dominici Vineyards, where we meet Rick for the first time. He seems like an okay fellow, a little battle-scarred from having his heart broken but nonetheless mostly with it. When he meets Adriano, he doesn’t make assumptions about the other man’s flirting, not until Adriano forces him to be blunt, and the two embark on a night of very passionate lovemaking. But then it ends, with a sense of foreboding that lays heavily across the work. The meat of the story picks up an indeterminate amount of time later – though much, much later in the book, we discover it’s been a year since he left the Dominici Vineyards – and Rick is a recluse, and bitter, and practically broken. We find out there was an ugly break-up with Adriano, and the man Rick is now is really not very likeable. When amnesiac Adriano shows up, Rick seems to rediscover some of his humanity as he tends to him, but the longer the story goes on, the more he annoys me. He claims to be in love with Adriano – something we never get to see for ourselves – and it’s very hard to accept that because the Adriano we saw was either haughty and demanding, or angry and abusive. Even Rick admits that a lot of it was because of the sex, and that he doesn’t really understand how it happened. If he doesn’t, how am I supposed to?

But I could probably live with some of the Rick’s more negative attributes if I liked Adriano. And I don’t. Not even when he showed up in Rick’s life again without his memory. It’s clear Adriano is supposed to represent a new man. His memories evaporate at the drop of a hat, and he can go from knowing Rick to forgetting him in hours flat. But his innocence comes across as far too eager, and Rick’s decision to keep him around – after discovering he’s been disinherited because of his homosexuality – feels like emotional manipulation at its worst. All they do is have every kind of sex under the sun, and I just could never figure out why else Rick would love the old Adriano. His feelings for the new one are more understandable. This one worships the ground he walks on, something the old Adriano would never have done. But with amnesiac Adriano ultimately so emotionally vulnerable, it’s difficult not to think that Rick is taking advantage of him.

Much of the book is spent with either the two having sex, or Rick thinking of having sex, or Rick trying to be strong and push Adriano away from having sex. Even their attempt to go out for dinner ends up getting thwarted by a clandestine tryst in his car first. With so much physical lusting going on, and so little other character exploration, I’m left to wonder if this is an addiction to the sex the two are experiencing rather than genuine love. Not even Okati’s prose can leave me feeling good about this one. But I doubt it’ll stop me from reading her again. When so many authors sound interchangeable, it’s nice to occasionally read one who knows how to create some truly lovely phrasing.

Readability	9/10 – Very lyrical prose that transcends a lot of the erotic romance to create a unique voice.
Hero #1	5/10 – Bordering on pathetic for how much of a sucker he is for the dysfunctional relationship he had/has with Adriano
Hero #2	3/10 – He’s more interesting with his memory, but more of an asshole; without, he’s too much like a puppy to feel real.
Entertainment value	5/10 – Okati’s prose is what saves this from being lower.
World building	8/10 – The sense of place is wonderful; however, her sense of time never gels.
TOTAL:	30/50

Perfectly Good Nanny by Paty Jager

TITLE: Perfectly Good Nanny
AUTHOR: Paty Jager
PUBLISHER: Wild Rose Press
LENGTH: Novel (roughly 62k)
GENRE: Contemporary romance
COST: $6.00

Carina Valencia has shown up at the Haven Ranch in southern Oregon to be a nanny to two children. Too bad the widowed father knew nothing about it, but he’s got his own problems to deal with. He’ll keep her around for the month she’s been paid for, but then he has to go back to his own life, trying to keep from losing his home to the bank and his daughter to her grandfather. Unless these two can find some kind of way to work it out…

Sometimes, I miss having a print copy of an e-book when I’m reading it. Then, I would have something to throw at the wall when I get frustrated, or to bang repeatedly on the table in hopes that will smash some sense into the characters. Of course, if I’d had a print copy of this book as I was reading, I can’t say for sure I wouldn’t have set fire to the thing.

I had such issues with the characters in this book, I’m not even sure I need to complain about the headhopping, or the unoriginality of the plot, or all the technical things an editor should have caught (when, oh when, will people learn the difference between passed and past?!?). Ultimately, I might be able to overlook – or at the very least, not care as much – about those kind of things if I fall for the characters. But honestly, I can’t remember the last time I read such a stupid heroine.

Carina is an ex-teacher turned nanny, recently divorced and had a miscarriage. First of all, what kind of logical sense does it make to anyone to become a nanny when you’re an emotional wreck from losing your own child? Seriously. Carina secondguesses every other move she makes. I can understand a little bit of getting back on the horse psychology, but in this case, it just didn’t make sense. Secondly, for being a teacher, she’s really not very smart. She doesn’t know to call a baby cow a calf, or that cows have multiple stomachs. When Brock – who owns a cattle ranch – is struggling to save a pregnant cow, Carina’s instincts are to leave it behind because it was raining and she was getting muddy. I don’t care if she’s a city girl, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know some basic facts or to understand that someone whose entire subsistence relies on his livestock can’t just abandon one because it’s a little wet outside.

But wait, there’s more. The first time Carina is left alone in the house, she decides to keep herself busy and dusts. She finds a packet of letters Brock had sent to his first wife – who is dead and he clearly still mourns because he considers her the love of his life – when he was in the military and they weren’t married yet. And what does Carina do? She sits down and starts reading them. She’s been there only a couple days, if that. This invasion of his privacy absolutely does not endear her to me, especially given that she’s such an idiot.

But Carina’s not the only one without a brain. Brock seems to lose his, too, along the way. See, his ranch is in danger of foreclosure. If he loses it, he loses his daughter. Big problem, right? Well, it turns out he has a house full of antiques, and Carina’s mom just happens to be an antiques dealer. Carina goes nuts when he leaves the house unlocked – forget the fact that it’s in the middle of nowhere and the nearest town is 45 minutes away – and tells him most of his furnishings are worth a fortune. Know what his first thought is? Not, “Oh, god, I could sell a couple pieces and pay the bank!” It's, “Oh, god, I can sell a couple pieces and get her to stay longer than a month!” The bank never even enters his mind. I mean, huh? Is he kidding me? I guess this is supposed to be some big romantic gesture that’s intended to make me all quivery in delight, but honestly, it just had me wanting to smack him over the head until he started thinking straight.

There’s more, you know. Like being expected to believe that a city girl like Carina who lives in Chicago freaks out about driving in snow. Or the epilogue that wrapped everything up in a tight little bow by telling us how the single biggest conflict in the story was resolved rather than showing us. Or…well, it’s a long list. Trust me on that.

Readability	4/10 – Headhopping, editorial mistakes, and idiotic/illogical characters and plotting made me fight not to skim.
Hero	4/10 – A nice guy, but stereotypical and dumb.
Heroine	2/10 – So idiotic and unbelievable that I don’t for a second feel any sympathy
Entertainment value	3/10 – Unoriginal and headache-inducing
World building	6/10 – The ranch details are nice, but if she wanted to convince me the heroine was in any way a professional, she failed.
TOTAL:	19/50

Wanted by Amber Scott

TITLE: Wanted
AUTHOR: Amber Scott
PUBLISHER: Liquid Silver Books
LENGTH: Novel (roughly 51k)
GENRE: Time travel erotic romance
COST: $5.95

Her father’s death leaves Samantha Hendricks with three things – memorabilia about the old west gangster Jesse Kincaid he was obsessed with, a bottle of whiskey, and questions. At a crossroads in her life, she drinks some of the whiskey as she debates her options, only to blackout and find herself in the most vivid dream of her life. Jesse Kincaid doesn’t know what to do with the woman he found, but he does know she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. He can’t resist a single night with her as he takes her to safety. But Samantha keeps hopping back to the present, and Jesse is starting to wonder what it is about her. How are they going to overcome the years and questions that separate them in order to find true happiness?

I was quite taken with this cover when I saw it, and the fact that it was a time travel romance – one of my weaknesses – had me buying it almost as soon as it came out. There were a few things in the excerpt I read that made me pause, but ultimately, I decided to try anyway. Unfortunately, the few things in the excerpt ended up being the root of some of my issues with the story.

First of all, while the prose itself is unchallenging, it’s not consistently cleaned up. There are multiple instances of homophone errors (peak for peek, for example) and word choice mistakes that completely yanked me out of it. The phrase, As he slipped his proud attraction into the mouth of her pussy…, still makes me giggle hysterically, because I’m nearly positive the author meant to write erection. And if she didn’t…well, that’s a euphemism that just doesn’t work, I’m afraid, especially with the blunter “pussy” at the end of the phrase.

I also had serious issues with the heroine almost from the start. I had hoped that the fact that Samantha was angsting over being a spinster at the age of twenty-five was an anomaly (she's supposed to be entering law school and be a modern woman and considers herself old at twenty-five?), but her odd sensibilities got worse. At one point, when she first meets Jesse, she swears, but then she almost immediately regrets it, and proceeds to apologize to him. Whispering. Meek doesn’t even begin to cover it. Any respect I had for her was gone at that point, and with the characterization as shallow as it was, there was no room to get it back.

The entire story is incredibly shallow, actually, and that’s the biggest problem with it. Jesse and Samantha have sex almost right away, and then she disappears. When she reappears in the past, they almost immediately have sex again, and both of them are considering themselves head over heels at that point. Because they’ve had sex twice. Not spent time together. Not had any kind of conversation. There was never any basis for me to believe that these two actually had anything in common for a long-term relationship. There’s also little explanation given for much of the time travel aspects. Details are hinted at with the jumps back to the present, but even in the end, they never quite satisfy.

That pretty much describes my reaction to the entire story. Unsatisfied.

Readability	7/10 – Scanty on detail, with a few homophone issues and word choice mistakes that jump out because the prose is on the sparse side.
Hero	5/10 – Nice but lacks depth, since he feels like an ABC of what makes a western robber hero
Heroine	4/10 – Lacks personality and I never get much of a sense of what drives her, except for a few details that make me want to shake her.
Entertainment value	4/10 – Predictable and shallow, and when I needed details, they weren’t there.
World building	5/10 – There’s no real sense of place in either the past or the present, and the lack of real explanation for how everything works is frustrating.
TOTAL:	25/50