Strange New World by Jennifer Colgan

TITLE: Strange New World
AUTHOR: Jennifer Colgan
PUBLISHER: Samhain
LENGTH: Novella (roughly 18k)
GENRE: Paranormal erotic romance
COST: $3.50

A man who walked through an electric fence unscathed. A woman trying to discern the potential threat of a new weapon. Two people caught in a deadly race for freedom. Dr. Martina Sanchez is assigned to investigate the effects the beam of Acheron has had on Chase Calder, but when she discovers a plot to kill him to hide the evidence he’d present, she decides she has no choice but to help him escape. Now, they’re both in danger…

NOTE: This is a review originally written for Uniquely Pleasurable.

Finding action-packed, tightly plotted stories in short formats is difficult, especially in the romance genre. The shorter format is misunderstood by a lot of authors anyway, who don’t understand the different demands lower word counts make on a story’s construct and pacing. It’s hard to do well. So when I find stories that actually manage to excel at plotting and pace, it’s a joy, even if other elements don’t always work as well.

Chase Calder is out shooting pictures of Nevada when he experiences a freak storm and then blacks out. He wakes up strapped down in a hospital bed, in what is clearly an institutional facility, with the beautiful Dr. Martina Sanchez looking him over. Unbeknownst to him, he’s been exposed to a new weapon that has never been tested on higher life forms, and now, it’s manifesting in very odd ways. For instance, he can phase in and out of places, which explains why he was able to get through the electric fence surrounding the compound without breaking it or getting hurt. It takes no time at all for the general in charge of everything to see Chase’s continued survival as a threat to his new weapon’s viability, and when Martina overhears his intentions, she knows there is only one thing she can do – get Chase to safety. The ensuing action is briskly paced, tautly described, and increasingly breathless to read. By the time the pair reach a modicum of safety, the bulk of the story is gone and time has disappeared. I was left salivating at the prospects of what was to come, and then…it kind of fizzled out.

See, one of the elements within the story that didn’t work as well for me was the romance. From the moment she meets him, Martina harbors sexual thoughts about this gorgeous man, even at times when it seems hugely inappropriate to do so. It’s the one distraction to the action that propels the story, and it got to the point where I almost wished they wouldn’t hook up. It makes a little more sense for Chase to have some of the same thoughts because he never really understands the full extent of what is going on, but Martina has no excuse. For someone so dedicated to what she was doing, the sexual thoughts and reactions felt forced and lessened my acceptance of her as a character. With that in mind, however, I did find the last couple paragraphs of the story an absolutely perfect way to end it. It nearly made up for some of my misgivings about the early preoccupation with sex. Nearly.

Readability	9/10 – Tautly paced and vibrantly described
Hero	7/10 – Strong, resilient, and smart. I liked him a lot.
Heroine	5/10 – I found her a little less believable than the hero, as her constant thinking about sex in the midst of all the danger seemed out of place.
Entertainment value	7/10 – I loved the action part of it, though the preoccupation of sex at inopportune times made the romance wear thin.
World building	7/10 – Explanations for the weapon and its effects aren’t as in depth as I would like, but the action makes up for it.
TOTAL:	35/50

From a Distance by Jo Barrett

TITLE: From a Distance
AUTHOR: Jo Barrett
PUBLISHER: Wild Rose Press
LENGTH: Short story (roughly 10k)
GENRE: Contemporary romance
COST: $2.00

Billie Jo Parker stops in to visit a long-distance friend en route to another destination in her travel-heavy career. She’s a little annoyed when said friend announces Billie Jo is attending a family function that night, and even more so when she discovers her “date” is her friend’s older brother. Annoyed, that is, until she meets Kyle Chase in person. But with all her traveling, and Kyle tied to his ranch in Wyoming, can their attraction endure as a long-distance relationship for more than a few weeks?

In spite of what could be the stickiness of a complicated long distance relationship, the one word that best describes this short story is simple. The prose is simple and unchallenging, and Barrett handles the headhopping that usually turns me off with her usual non-invasive style. The characters are simple, good people, with little to define them other than their lifestyles, and the plot itself is a simple, straightforward, “let’s try this out” kind of plot.

Kyle and Billie Jo have a pleasant, if uninspiring, chemistry. She is reluctant to act upon their chemistry because she knows from experience that long distance relationships rarely work. She’s also more than aware her traveling isn’t going to end any time soon, and Kyle isn’t going to leave his ranch. It feels like a doomed cause. Kyle manages to sway her reticence, and the two engage in a phone relationship that’s mildly satisfying. In a sweet, unimposing story, it’s hard to ask for more. I have to admit I keep waiting for the magic that slammed into me with the first of this author’s stories that I read, but there’s certainly nothing awful or cringeworthy about this one. It’s a mild diversion, and if you’re a fan of the author or sweet, simple romances, it might be just for you.

Readability	8/10 – Simple, unchallenging, with non-invasive headhopping
Hero	5/10 – Sketchy, but a nice enough fellow
Heroine	5/10 – Nothing original or memorable, but nothing offensive, either
Entertainment value	5/10 – A mild diversion, though nothing earth-shattering
World building	5/10 – The bulk of the story focuses on the interactions between the two and their thoughts
TOTAL:	28/50

Reveal the Heart by Elaine Lowe

TITLE: Reveal the Heart
AUTHOR: Elaine Lowe
PUBLISHER: Ellora’s Cave
LENGTH: Novella (roughly 32k)
GENRE: Historical erotic romance
COST: $5.20

Hester Lowbridge has the incredible ability to decipher almost any language in existence. Her special talents are put to use by the American government during WWII, but when she is called in to help interpret for a man who nobody understands, she is stunned to recognize him from her erotic dreams. He responds in the same way, but when he calls her his mate, she doesn’t know what to think…

I have a small bone to pick with this story. Okay, a big one. I am not a reader who likes or chooses to come into a series after the first book if she can at all help it. I don’t like not knowing what happened before, so 99% of the time, if a book says it’s a sequel or part of a series to book(s) I’ve never read before, I don’t even bother reading the blurb. It’s generally a waste of my time, because I recognize that, as a reader, I am less likely to enjoy it. There was absolutely no indication with this story on the publisher website that it was a sequel. None. I got done reading this long novella and had such problems with the prose (and suspicions that I was missing something) that I went off in search of some answers. I found it on the author’s LJ of all places, a reference that this followed on in the same world as the author’s previous story, Enchant the Dawn. A book I haven’t read. And nowhere on that book’s page at EC’s site does it say it’s part of a series or that Reveal the Heart is its follow-up. And so I’m miffed, because I rely on this information to help me make informed choices. I regret that this is likely to seriously affect my buying at EC, because I just can’t trust their book pages anymore.

Maybe I wouldn’t be so miffed if the story was actually any good. It’s not. The characters are flat and/or stereotypical, the editing is sloppy (i.e., complement mistaken for compliment), and I can drive my minivan through all the plot holes. It all starts in the first chapter with some of the most awkward information dumps I’ve read, part of why I suspected I was reading about a world that had been written in a previous book:

That was her gift and her curse. Hester had always been good with languages. Her mother June had always thought that growing up in New York City under the watchful eyes of Mr. Giuseppe, an Italian baker, Ixchel, a Mexican seamstress and the countless other languages you run into while living in New York, well, she would have picked up a little here and a little there, so it wasn’t such an odd thing that she was fluent in five languages by the time she was six.

But whatever Daron and Sophia Hunter had done to her when they’d cured her asthma, well, it let loose that talent on a mighty extraordinary level. When Alan Lowbridge had driven into Tucson, Arizona, with his new bride and her six-year-old daughter, no one had thought anything odd of the family except that mother and daughter were strikingly beautiful.

That’s the first mention of any asthma and most of those people, and the run-on sentences border on incoherent. It’s like that throughout the story. Any time something needs to get explained, the reader is subjected to this type of awkward dump. The dialogue suffers as well. It turns out that the JD, or Jack as we learn his name is later on, can only communicate either by swearing or in song. That gets old really fast. Hester’s roommates come from Minnesota and New York, which means one is constantly saying, “don’t ya know,” while the other is in love with “ain’t” for everything, in spite of being an educated nurse. As for the plot, the mystery of JD’s communication issues just kind of gets resolved. Since this is a Christmas story, maybe I’m supposed to consider it some type of miracle of love.

The sound you hear is my eyes rolling. There’s a time and place for that sort of deus ex machina, but this storytelling is too sloppy to give it the benefit of the doubt this time. I really wish I had been warned that it was set in the same world as the other story; I never would have bought it or wasted my time.

Readability	5/10 – Awkward information dumps, cheesy dialogue, and homophone abuse made this incredibly hard to get through
Hero	5/10 – Flat, though at least he’s reasonably likable
Heroine	4/10 – Never felt real, too reliant on awkward information dumps to explain character
Entertainment value	3/10 – If I had known this was a sequel, I never would have bought it.
World building	4/10 – The characters feel modern rather than period, and though some of the period details are nice, there are no decent explanations for anything outside of the awful information dumps
TOTAL:	21/50

VGL Male Seeks Same by Rick R. Reed

TITLE: VGL Male Seeks Same
AUTHOR: Rick R. Reed
PUBLISHER: Amber Allure
LENGTH: Novella (roughly 21k)
GENRE: Gay contemporary erotic romance
COST: $5.00

At forty-two, Ethan Schwartz is tired of being alone. All he wants is a real relationship, with someone who shares the same interests he does. The problem with that is…he’s forty-two. The usual means of finding a guy are slipping through his fingers. Nobody wants a somewhat average Everyman, so he decides to try a last resort – online dating. His first attempt gets him nowhere, but when he tries again, using the picture of the best looking guy he can find, he’s deluged with responses. One in particular catches his eye, but what is Brian going to think when he discovers Ethan isn’t who he says he is?

I’ve been wanting to try this author for quite some time, but my out of control TBR pile, which includes another of his titles, has slowed me down from getting to him. After reading this, it’s safe to conclude that his other story will definitely get read now.

There’s a melancholy realism to the author’s characterizations in this short novella. Ethan seems like any number of aging gay men – moderately attractive, moderately successful, moderately interesting. But dating scenes thrive on youth, and the gay community is no exception to that. He can’t compete with all the men in their twenties looking for the same thing, which makes his story feel all that more real. It’s actually a little hard to watch him try and struggle with his age issues. When he decides to swap out his picture, I cringed. I knew nothing good could come from that, but it’s impossible to turn away from what you know is going to be a colossal wreck. I felt like reaching through the screen, slapping him, and pulling my best Cher impression from Moonstruck: “Snap out of it!”

The situation only worsens when he starts getting the perfect e-mails in response to his new, perfect picture. I have to admit, I never liked Brian, but that’s probably because I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. His e-mails were too idealistic, too good to be true, and never sounded like a real person to me. That left me tense for the entire last half of the short story until something broke. The story never lost its humor, but it was never quite enough to pull me back from that edge of anxiety. Perhaps in this case, I over-empathized with the main character to the point of not being able to dissociate enough to immerse myself in his perspective. The credible characterizations are a tremendous credit to the author, though. I can’t remember the last time I worried quite so much about a hero’s actions.

Readability	8/10 – A wry sense of humor fuels the tight characterization
Hero #1	7/10 – Slightly pathetic but very realistic, watching his actions is like watching an impending train wreck
Hero #2	5/10 – For the bulk of the story, feels too good to be true
Entertainment value	7/10 – Humorous and heart-breaking
World building	9/10 – Feels all too realistic, which is part of its tough allure
TOTAL:	36/50

A Daughter's Promise by Christine Clemetson

TITLE: A Daughter’s Promise
AUTHOR: Christine Clemetson
PUBLISHER: Wild Rose Press
LENGTH: Novel (roughly 79k)
GENRE: Historical romance
COST: $6.00

Serene Moneto has been promised to Marcus Sturini almost since birth, but when her father is killed helping a wounded American soldier, and she is left as the sole head of the family, the last thing she wants to think about is marriage to a man she doesn’t really like. She hides the American at her home, and though Miles Coulson captivates her almost from the start, the reality is that her family needs this marriage in order to survive. She has no choice but to see it through, even though her heart belongs to another…

Though historicals aren’t my first choice to read, I must admit to having a soft spot for WWII stories in any shape or form. Something about that period really speaks to me, and as an aside, it’s really a shame there aren’t more of them out there right now. This particular offering starts out on a strong foot, but slowly loses ground, so that in the end, it finishes a mediocre and unfortunately not very memorable read.

Serene Moneto is the eldest of three children, and though she is not the biological child of the only father she has ever known, she is loved and treasured. His one desire is to see her taken care of, the way he had taken care of her deceased mother when she needed him, so he makes arrangements early to marry Serene to the son of his best friend. The war wreaks havoc on both families’ finances, and when her father is killed protecting the wounded Miles, Serene naturally turns to this marriage as the saving grace for both of them. She is much as her name suggests – even-tempered, always looking out for others, intelligent, and beautiful. There’s a lot to admire about her, and I especially responded to her quiet sense of right and wrong when she insisted on taking Miles in, even though doing so put her family at risk. It helps that Marcus is kind of a jerk even from the start. The reader sees the real sacrifice she is making in order to do what she feels she must. Taken throughout the duration of the story, however, the martyrdom act starts to wear a little thin.

Miles is honorable and charming at the story’s onset, two characteristics that never fade as the story progresses. His characterization seems to get sidelined as Serene’s difficulties grow, though. More than once, I wished we could get more from him, to see him interact outside of the Moneto influence. Thankfully, there’s one section in the last third of the story where that happens, but by that point, it’s almost too little too late. While I loved the actions he took within the context of the final chapters, I couldn’t escape the feeling that there was more there I should have known.

The story evokes the battle-torn ambience of Italy very effectively for its first half. I flew through that section, in love with the setting, in love with the characters. Slowly, though, it began to crumble, first with the characters and then in the actual events of the plot. More and more, the author relied on clichéd twists to worsen Serene’s predicament. The subplot concerning Serene’s half-sister Margot, for instance, felt superfluous, and every time it cut to her or Samuel, I was tempted to fast forward and get back to Serene and/or Miles.

The disappointing second half drags down what could’ve been a lovely and sweet WWII romance, where language and nationalities mean nothing in the face of real emotions. It ends up being melodramatic and forgettable, which is a shame. I wanted so much more for the characters.

Readability	8/10 – The charm of the first half breaks down a little in the second half.
Hero	6/10 – Warm and decent, though I always felt like I should have known more about him.
Heroine	6/10 – The martyr act goes a little far sometimes.
Entertainment value	6/10 – What started out as a nostalgic, charming romance fell into melodramatic cliché by the last third.
World building	8/10 – Though I never really felt like I had a clear picture of the whole dowry issue, the WWII environment is evocatively portrayed.
TOTAL:	34/50

Head Over Heels by Lena Matthews

TITLE: Head Over Heels
AUTHOR: Lena Matthews
PUBLISHER: Samhain
LENGTH: Novella (roughly 35k)
GENRE: Contemporary erotic romance
COST: $4.50

In this modern re-telling of Cinderella, Cyn Elder runs the family business, a shoe store in San Francisco called The Glass Slipper. When her best friend insists on taking her out to a brand new club opening, she never expects to run into one of the owners, or to be completely taken by his looks and personality. Parker Maguire is used to be kowtowed to. As so-called Hollywood royalty, when he runs into someone who is unimpressed by his money or career – or ignorant of it entirely – he always looks a little bit closer. Cyn is beautiful, intelligent, and speaks her mind, whether he wants to hear it or not. Intrigued doesn’t even begin to cover how he feels about her…

When I think of Lena Matthews, I think of HOT. So when I saw this novella come up at Samhain, and the excerpt made me smile, I snapped it up. But honestly, of all the work I’ve read of hers, this isn't nearly as hot as other books. It still has its sizzling moments, but those are overshadowed by the banter between the two leads, and the sheer energy that whips the story from beginning to end.

Cyn and Parker have chemistry from the very start. Cyn is no-nonsense, smart, and funny, and Parker is a little taken aback when he first meets her. He’s used to people bending and scraping because of who he is, so her fresh attitude immediately interests him. She plays it cool from the beginning, and they go back and forth, giving as well as taking, until there’s little doubt these two are perfect for each other. It’s this relationship that fuels the entire story. There are secondary characters, like Cyn’s gay best friend and her drag fairy godmother, but the story shines brightest when Cyn and Parker are on the page together. As a character, Parker isn’t as fully fleshed as Cyn is, but for a stereotype, he’s likeable enough.

I must admit to being a little disappointed by some of the editing. I’ve come to expect sharper things from Samhain, so I’m always taken a little surprised when I find easy mistakes in their books. In this one’s case, it’s things like Parker’s last name changing spelling, or using stripped for striped, that pulled me momentarily out of the story. They’re little things, though, and to be fair, most readers probably wouldn’t even notice them. In the end, it certainly wasn’t enough to turn me away from enjoying this. It’s a sharp, entertaining tale that flashes by before you even realize it’s over.

Readability	8/10 – Not as cleanly edited as most Samhain works, but the sharp dialogue keeps it popping
Hero	5/10 – A little flat and stereotypical, but he definitely had chemistry with the heroine
Heroine	7/10 – Spunky and fun
Entertainment value	7/10 – The snappy dialogue and swift pacing, along with the chemistry between the leads, made the story for me.
World building	6/10 – There’s not a ton there, but then again, the focus is on the zing, not the world around them
TOTAL:	33/50

Scars by Jessica Freely

TITLE: Scars
AUTHOR: Jessica Freely
PUBLISHER: Torquere
LENGTH: Short story (roughly 15k)
GENRE: Gay contemporary erotic romance
COST: $2.49

After being rescued from a gang attack, David takes in the homeless Seth, offering him a second chance. Seth doesn’t know what to do with it, especially when David is so determined to do for him. They attempt to try and build some kind of real life, but gangs continue to threaten them, and Seth’s past rears its ugly head…

I have to admit, I didn’t read the blurb clearly enough when I bought this short. I hadn’t realized it was a continued story from earlier short stories. If I had, I probably wouldn’t have bought it because I’m just not one of those people who can come into the middle of a story and enjoy it the way it’s meant to be. I believe the fact that I didn’t read the previous stories definitely hindered my enjoyment of this one, because I was left with questions about how things had transpired, and why David reacted as he did throughout the course of this one. That being said, it’s still a nice little diversion, and I can’t say I regret buying it too much.

The prose is simple and unassuming, cleaner than Torquere books tend to be. While the sex scenes aren’t wholly innovative, they’re functional and more romantic than anything else. It’s through these moments I was able to see some of the connection between David and Seth, a connection that was built in earlier stories and taken for granted at the top of this one. They help to establish Seth as a keenly sympathetic character, making him both tragic and sweet all in one sweep. His pride is understandable when David tries to do too much, and the fact that he goes to the extremes he does even more so. I definitely liked him more than I liked David, but I think a big part of that is due to the fact that this is more about Seth and his past, as if I’m already supposed to have an opinion on David.

The significance of Seth’s past probably didn’t impact on me as strongly as it could have, had I read the prior stories earlier. It seemed a tad extreme and melodramatic, and I wish I could have been just a little more invested to appreciate its depths. In the end, the entire experience was much like trying a new recipe where one or two ingredients are missing. You get the hint of what it could be, but not the full effect. As such, I believe this would be best enjoyed by those who have read the previous stories.

Readability	8/10 – Simple and unassuming, though knowledge of the previous story helps
Hero #1	6/10 – I think it would have helped understanding his reactions if I’d read the first stories
Hero #2	7/10 – Tragic and sweet
Entertainment value	6/10 – I enjoyed it, though I think my enjoyment would’ve been greater with the emotional commitment from the previous stories.
World building	6/10 – It doesn’t stand as well on its own as I would hope.
TOTAL:	33/50

Lady Claire's Cavalier by Fiona Neal

TITLE: Lady Claire’s Cavalier
AUTHOR: Fiona Neal
PUBLISHER: Awe-Struck Publishing
LENGTH: Novel (roughly 91k)
GENRE: Historical romance
COST: $4.99

At the age of twelve, Lady Claire was forced to flee England, in order to protect her inheritance from golddiggers. Though she weds an elderly friend of the family, it’s merely to shield her. His death drives her back after ten long years, but when she overhears a plot to assassinate the new king, Charles II, Claire is thrust into service in ways she never expected. The prime suspect is her family’s oldest enemy, and the only man she has ever met who has made her feel like a woman. Lord Barrington doesn’t want to have to marry Claire, but when the king gives an order, you don’t say no…

The opening automatically makes the reader empathetic with the heroine. In the prologue, we meet a twelve-year-old Claire visiting her mother for the last time before fleeing the country. Her mother has been accused of killing her father, a crime she claims to be innocent of, and unbeknownst to Claire, this will be the last time she ever sees her mother, as it’s very obvious to the reader that the woman would rather die than be subjected to the horrors of being found guilty, an inevitable judgment. Even though it cuts to ten years later, that initial feeling of empathy for Claire carries over, as she has grown up into a graceful, genteel, thoughtful young woman. She has a mixed reputation; society thinks she has killed her elderly husband. On the other hand, they recognize that she’s beautiful and the wealthiest woman in England, which makes her a desirable match. It’s a very thin line she manages to balance wonderfully.

The chemistry that sparks between Claire and Christopher (Lord Barrington) is hot from the start. The fact that they’re supposed to be enemies helps, even if it’s a tad clichéd. But neither personality falls into a stereotype, so the story never gets bogged by the cliché and instead can roll forward with lovely, sensual romance as they each struggle against the attraction and the misunderstandings about how dangerous the other one is. Some of these misunderstandings seem a little extreme. Christopher, especially, seems very quick to assume the worst of Claire, even with his past taken into consideration. Once or twice, I wanted to slap some sense into him, but overall, he still managed to redeem himself.

The mystery of the possible assassination attempt is built in layers, with no easy answers in sight. Each time there’s another development, more stress gets added to the characters and their relationships, making me wonder just how they’re going to sustain it. I felt more than once that they would break under the strain, but their strength shone through, in heartwarming, sensual ways. I have to admit to gasping out loud when the truth of the mysteries is revealed, but after all was explained, I’m not convinced it was the most satisfying conclusion. It lacked a certain credibility, even if it did make logical sense. But in spite of that, this was still a genuinely romantic, emotional ride.

Readability	8/10 – Some of the historical detail parts are dense and dry, but otherwise, it sucked me in.
Hero	8/10 – Charming and appropriately wary without seeming too over the top too often
Heroine	8/10 – Love how level-headed she is, though her dedication to the king sometimes annoyed me
Entertainment value	8/10 – Solid romance plus an engaging mystery (even if I didn’t completely buy the resolution)
World building	10/10 – Some fantastic details, very rich
TOTAL:	42/50

Sojourn Through Time by Susanne Marie Knight

TITLE: Sojourn through Time
AUTHOR: Susanne Marie Knight
PUBLISHER: Awe-Struck Publishing
LENGTH: Novella (roughly 40k)
GENRE: Time travel romance
COST: $4.99

An accident at the NYC airport terminal sends Alexandra Stanford careening into the past, specifically England, 1802. There, she is discovered by Malcolm, the Duke of Milcaster, but while she feigns amnesia to escape awkward questions, she finds herself torn between finding a way to survive in this new world and her burgeoning feelings for a man she can’t have…

The prologue of this story sets up the contemporary character of the piece, but beyond that, it never comes up again as a primary setting within the story. There’s never any explanation for the time travel that is involved, either. Alex just happens to show up in an earthquake and a flash of red light, pieces of debris from the crashed plane scattered around here. She gets discovered by Malcolm, a self-professed rake, who is immediately taken by her beauty. By the time he has returned her to his home, he’s already decided he’s going to have her as a mistress, even though he’s about to announce his engagement. In fact, he can’t seem to get rid of his about-to-be fiancée soon enough just so he can start an affair with Alex.

This attitude permeates all Malcolm’s interest in her throughout the beginning of the story. He sees Alex as an interesting possession, and when there’s this sudden about-face where he decides he’s in love with her, it’s completely unbelievable. I thought his initial reasons and demeanor incredibly despicable, and never warmed to him in the slightest. He doesn’t even speak to his young daughter, even. The only supposedly redeeming qualities he has are his wealth and good looks.

Alex’s characterization suffers as well. She becomes the savior of this household – saving Malcolm from a marriage to a woman his good friend sees as a black widow, saving the relationship between father and daughter, entrancing all of London when she finally gets there. The one good thing she does exhibit, though, is she never falls apart in the face of her predicament. She decides, “Well, this is my lot, I’ll just live with it,” and moves on from there. The drawback to that, however, is the story ends without her ever dealing with the truth with the hero. She mentions it once, he doesn’t really believe her, she decides that’s enough for her to have at least tried, the end.

It was the end of my patience with the story, too. I can’t invest in the romance if I don’t even like the hero.

Readability	7/10 – The period detail is fine enough, but the bad dialogue and abrupt ending fail to help it in any way
Hero	3/10 – Self-professed rake at the start, who never rises above my initial distaste for his motivations
Heroine	6/10 – At least she’s not a crybaby
Entertainment value	4/10 – I thought the hero was selfish and could never get behind the romance
World building	8/10 – This would be higher if it didn’t feel like everything and the kitchen sink had been crammed in
TOTAL:	28/50

The Resurrection of Josephine by Melinda Barron

TITLE: The Resurrection of Josephine
AUTHOR: Melinda Barron
PUBLISHER: Resplendence Publishing
LENGTH: Novella (roughly 19k)
GENRE: Paranormal ménage erotic romance
COST: $3.50

An evil spectral presence at a funeral nearly kills medium Martin Vandreen, but he escapes, determined to find out what it could be. When lovers Rumer and Noah break into his home to enlist his help, he learns the presence is an awful witch who has been finding human hosts for centuries. Now bound to the cemetery, she’s about to be freed, unless Martin, Rumer, and Noah can stop her…

I have the worst luck with ménage erotic romances. I admit I have certain parameters that I try to match up; for instance, I’m not interested in anything involving family members sharing, like a group of brothers with one woman. And all that needing a third to complete them is usually rubbish. So even though I look at them when they come out, I invariably buy very few ménages. Yet, even those few I buy end up being a waste of money.

I liked the premise of this novella. I’d read the author before and I hadn’t been hugely impressed, but I thought, It’s been a year and a half, maybe I just had bad luck the first time. The excerpt seemed like it might be tense and interesting, too. Martin undergoes a very unpleasant experience at the cemetery, and he seemed to have a sense of humor about the whole thing, so I gave it a go. The first chapter is fine enough, even the second chapter. But then Rumer and Noah show up, and everything goes downhill from there. Not in the conflict. I can buy the fact that Rumer finds it necessary to break into Martin’s home and ask for his help getting rid of the witch Josephine. No, the part where I start to lose it is when Rumer and Noah decide to spend the night to supposedly protect Martin from Josephine, and because there’s no guest room, they’ll just sleep in his bed. In their underwear, of course. It’s just ludicrous, and only becomes more so from there.

The next morning, Martin wakes with a hard-on, and two people who want to have sex with him. At that point, the dialogue takes a turn for the worse: "Why don't we all play together," Noah said. "I'm hard, too, and I know my baby's wet. Mutual masturbation might help us forget the horrible way we met last night." I thought there might be a respite when it shifted back to the ghost plot, but after a brief encounter, Martin decides what he needs to feel better is – guess what – sex. It might have been more palatable if the sex scenes worked for me, but these didn’t either. Under no circumstances will I ever find the word “anus” erotic. Especially when it comes so close on the heels of “nether opening.” It just got to be too much, because as soon as that engagement with the scene breaks down, it’s next to impossible to get back, especially when the things that bothered me in it are still prevalent.

Unless you’re a fan of the author, or don’t mind terminology like “nether opening” in your sex scenes, I can’t say that I’d recommend it.

Readability	6/10 – Starts out all right, but the dialogue made me laugh, which only made the overwritten sex scenes even funnier.
Ménage	4/10 – Not hot, and starts out with one of the silliest reasons to put three people naked in a bed together that I’ve read in a while
Characterization	5/10 – Individually, could probably hold their own, but any attempts to make them well-rounded fail as soon as talk turns to sex and emotions
Entertainment value	3/10 – The idea is promising, but I lost any sense of credibility for it as soon it tried to turn amorous
World building	6/10 – Hints of some nice atmosphere, but it gets lost in the erotic elements
TOTAL:	24/50